Three MPs have been suspended from parliament following the performance of a haka in the House. Given how popular haka are, here’s an objective list of when and where performing a haka is acceptable, and when it’s not. Three MPs have been suspended from parliament following the performance of a haka in the House. Given how popular haka are, we have compiled an objective list of when and where performing a haka is acceptable. Te Pāti Māori MPs Hana-Rawhiti Maipi-Clarke, Rawiri Waititi and Debbie Ngarewa-Packer have all been suspended from parliament following the performance of a haka in the debating chamber last November. The punishment – handed down by parliament’s Privileges Committee – has been labelled “unprecedented” by commentators and politicians alike. From May 20, Maipi-Clarke will be forced to stay away from parliament for a total of seven days, while her party’s leaders are each suspended for 21 days. A haka is a cultural expression of identity, challenge, mourning, celebration, defiance and unity. A language of resistance, when all other languages have been ignored. Also: apparently a (relatively ineffective) national PR asset for tourism campaigns and Rugby World Cups, but a national threat if performed near legislative desks. So, when is it acceptable to perform a haka? When should we punish those performing one in an inappropriate setting? We’ve compiled a definitive, objective list, sure to be acceptable to all major political parties, Tourism New Zealand, and that one uncle who thinks Hone Heke should have just paid the dog tax. At the start of a sports match = YES. SO MUCH YES. Especially if you’re 6’4", in a black jersey, and have a silver fern on your chest. In fact, not doing one would be considered a betrayal of national values – on par with not responding “aue” to someone singing “tutira mai ngā iwi” . Pissed on Waitangi Day in London = Go on then, mate. Nothing says “I’m a proud Kiwi” like taking your shirt off, dressing in black face in Leicester Square and slurring Ka Mate to a crowd of bemused British onlookers. Bonus points if you forget the words and end up doing a hybrid of haka, unco gestures, and the Kapa o Pango throat slit. At your graduation ceremony = Mixed reviews. A haka to honour your whānau and hard-earned degree? Beautiful. A haka performed with three Vodka Cruisers in your system and your mate yelling “GEET UPP BRO” while filming on Snapchat? Less so. Still: no suspensions issued. In a public library, protesting drag story time = If you’re protesting inclusivity and joy with a haka, congratulations, you’ve just culturally appropriated your own culture. See also: misunderstanding the difference between a wero and a tantrum. Protesting the Principles of the Treaty of Waitangi Bill = Absolutely not. Heaven forbid the haka be used as a tool of protest, as it has been for nearly two centuries. How dare it be performed by Māori, in parliament, about a bill that affects Māori, written by a party that just managed to scrape 1% of the Māori vote. Welcoming a bunch of foreigners at a corporate pōwhiri = Definitely yes. Nothing says manaakitanga like giving a spine-tingling haka to a bunch of dudes laughing at the haka. No complaints from the speaker when parliament hosts a foreign delegation with a karanga and haka. Why? Because it’s performative, not political. Palatable, not powerful. At your uncle’s funeral = Of course. Cry the haka. Grieve the haka. Mourn in a way that moves the ancestors. Even if the uncle was an arsehole. In parliament, in a suit, with a mic off, after having your mana disrespected in your own house = E noho. Sit down. Three-week suspension. Democracy is about dignity and decorum, and nothing says dignity like a government minister refusing to pronounce someone’s name properly while calling them divisive and complaining about people raising their voices. To open a new apartment development in Wānaka = Obviously yes. Those apartments are going to be on ancestral land and cost $1.8m for a two-bedroom. Why wouldn’t you add a haka to the ribbon-cutting? At a kapa haka competition = Unsurprisingly, also acceptable. Just don’t get political. You know how it is – kapa haka is all good until someone starts making references to colonisation. Then it’s suddenly “too confrontational”. On the marae = Only if it’s not being live-streamed and there’s no one from Te Pāti Māori present. Otherwise it could be interpreted as “grandstanding”. It turns out, there’s a very clear line here. Haka are fine when they’re safe, ceremonial, and non-confrontational. They’re good when they entertain, not when they challenge. They’re welcome when they support the brand of New Zealand, not when they question the decisions of the New Zealand government. So let’s be clear. It’s not the haka that’s the problem. It’s what the haka represents. And who is doing it. And where. And why. Because if the haka is a sacred cultural expression of Māori identity, then it deserves to be upheld, protected, and understood – especially in moments of political tension and cultural threat. But if it’s just another cultural product for white tourists, advertising campaigns and Pākehā rugby fans to cheer for – then don’t be surprised when it turns on you. Haka is not here to make you comfortable. It’s here to tell the truth. Even if that truth gets you suspended for 21 days.