Reflecting on the recovery, Flintoff said he "didn't think I had it in me to get through" the ordeal. "This sounds awful. Part of me wishes I'd been killed. Part of me thinks I wish I'd died," he added. "I didn't want to kill myself. I don't want to mistake the two things. I was not wishing, but thinking, this would have been so much easier... "Now I try to take the attitude, you know what, the sun will come up tomorrow, and then my kids will still give me a hug, and I'm probably in a better place now." One of England's most successful cricketers, Flintoff previously said he is "loving" his return to the sport coaching England Lions - the development squad underneath England Men's cricket team. Flintoff's wife Rachael told the documentary his return to the sport was crucial on the road to recovery. "When Andrew needed it most, cricket was there for him," she said. "It sounds a bit weird saying it, a bit over the top to say, but I do think cricket saved him. It gave him a reason for being, again."