Dear Prudence is Slate’s advice column. Submit questions here. Dear Prudence, I have a 10-year-old daughter and a 13-year-old stepdaughter. My wife and I have been married for three years and have pretty successfully blended our family. We parallel parent and act as support for relationships with our respective kids. It has led to a lot less resentment and unequal responsibility between us. The big upcoming hurdle is that my daughter will be going to a six-week sleep-away camp that my ex’s family has attended for years. Her two older cousins are counselors, and she is very excited about it. This has sparked jealousy in my stepdaughter, and she keeps saying she wants to go too. The problem is that her father pays the minimum of child support, and it is an expensive camp. My ex and her parents are paying two-thirds, and I still had to take extra shifts and squeeze our budget to afford it. And my stepdaughter is very shy and introverted. She can’t make it through sleepovers without calling her mom to pick her up. Six weeks at camp isn’t going to happen, and there are no refunds if the kid quits midway through. Rather than being realistic, my wife keeps saying we will see about her attending while complaining that my daughter gets to go at all. I told her that my daughter wasn’t going to be denied an opportunity like this, and honestly, we needed to work more on making her daughter more independent since she will be in high school next year. My wife told me she knew how to handle her own kid and to keep my hands off. But the situation isn’t being dealt with here, and the clock is ticking. Help! —Stepdad in the Southwest Dear Stepdad in the Southwest, You’re right that your daughter should be the only one to go to the camp (assuming your wife doesn’t come up with a creative idea to pay for her sister to tag along). One of the tough things about blended families is that the kids will not have the same parents, and therefore, they won’t have the same resources and opportunities, and that can feel really unfair. Because it is unfair! But it’s reality, and parents need to be on the same page to help everyone work through it while minimizing hurt feelings. The 10-year-old has an extended family with money and a summer camp tradition. The 13-year-old does not. Ideally, you and your wife would sit down to figure out what she could do that would be affordable and make the time her sister is away feel fun and special. A counselor-in-training program at a local summer camp? A dance or soccer intensive? A trip to visit a cool older cousin on her mom’s side? A family project to redecorate her bedroom? All of these suggestions would be ideally wrapped up in conversations in which she was encouraged to be honest about the struggles of having a step-sibling. But you and your wife are unfortunately not on the same page, and you say you have a history of parallel parenting. So you can stand down. This isn’t your business. Let her figure out how to get her kid registered for the camp (and then go pick her up in four days if she’s miserable) if she’s committed to doing so. Even your suggestion that you both need to work on increasing her daughter’s independence wasn’t really your business, according to the arrangement you’ve described. When your wife says, “I know how to handle my own kid! Hands off,” your response should be, “OK, let me know what you decide.” Dear Prudence, My wife and I (both women) are expecting our first baby after years of trying, and while we are thrilled, we are also filled with anxiety, especially after the recent election. The results are weighing heavily on us—not only for the impact on the world and marginalized communities, but also on our little family’s future. Our extended families are an important part of our lives and are involved in holidays and gatherings throughout the year. However, the majority of them voted for Trump, despite everything that has happened. I find myself struggling with this, especially as I imagine future milestones, like baby showers, and the people who will be in our child’s life. I can’t shake the discomfort of knowing they hold values so different from our own and support someone whose policies feel harmful to us and to the world. Is it OK to distance myself from them? Do I have to have a conversation with each of them to explain myself, or can I just wait and see if they choose to reach out to me after abstaining from holidays, etc.? I always thought it was important to keep bridges open and expose my child to different perspectives, but right now, I just can’t find peace with these conflicting values. Please help. —Navigating Love, Family, a New Chapter Dear New Chapter, When it comes to exposing your children to different perspectives, I imagine finding ways for them to spend time with people who practice different religions, speak different languages, have different jobs and incomes, celebrate different holidays, and enjoy different hobbies and passions is more important you than making sure they’re around people who think it’s great to deport toddlers with stage four cancer as well as the people who don’t think it’s great. Your kids pick up on how you feel about people, and all of you will have more meaningful holidays and gatherings if you’re around people for whom you feel genuine warmth and respect—people who you hope can influence them in some way! Gritting your teeth through events at which small talk is limited to sports and weather, because anything else could reveal enthusiasm for the policies you believe will harm you, is not what life is all about. Make your own community. Relieve yourself of the stress of managing these relationships. Let them be the ones to wonder how to navigate being related to someone who would be at risk in the kind of world they want to create through their political choices. And if you receive phone calls demanding to know why you missed Thanksgiving and their accompanying speech about needing to work together to fight back against trans kids, you can take those as they come—unless you’re busy with people you actually respect. Prudie Wants to Hear From You! Readers often have great suggestions for our letter writers, occasionally disagree with a point Prudie makes, or simply want to provide some additional advice. Each week, Prudie will be replying to some of these comments and suggestions from readers, which will be featured on the site on Fridays for Slate Plus members. Write to us! Dear Prudence, I am a 35-year-old man and am in a deadlocked relationship with my girlfriend. My girlfriend has a history of angry, violent, and generally mean behavior when she is drunk. I tried to overlook it for a while, but it all came to a head a few weeks ago when we got into another argument about her drinking and drunk behavior. As a result of the fight, she drunkenly took a spur-of-the-moment trip back to her home state, where she still has friends. I was concerned and reached out to her friends to make sure she got there safely. I found out from them that she has a history of these types of drunken behavioral issues and has burned many relationships with friends in the past over this. She also acted out drunkenly with her parents, and they became concerned as well. She found out about my conversations with her friends and became irate. When she got home, her behavior generally only escalated. Her parents also became involved and tried to intervene. This did not go well, and she has now cut off all of her friends and family, but blames me, saying I have turned everyone against her. I am unhappy with the state of things, but we live together and are both on the lease. I’ve tried to avoid being home, but that’s only caused more issues. I want to get out of the relationship, and have told her as much, but she is now threatening that she has nothing and no one because of me, and if I leave, she will have no reason to live. I have no idea what to do or how to end this. I can’t move out, and I can’t kick her out. I feel dumb for the decisions I’ve made to continue this relationship along the way, overlooking red flags, but I’m here now and am at a loss for the way out. Please help. —Lost and Desperate Dear Lost and Desperate, This is an emergency. I know it may feel insurmountable and might be costly, but you need to move out. Your girlfriend threatening her own life at your suggestion that you want out of the relationship is a clear sign of emotional abuse. Talk to your landlord or leasing office and explain the situation, and offer to find another tenant to take over for you. Either way, tell them you’ll be out by a particular date. Reiterate to your girlfriend that you are broken up, and go stay with a friend or a family member. Let her know what the deadline is for either having her take over your end of the lease or finding new housing. And then contact her parents and any close friends whose contact information you have and say, “We’ve broken up and I’ll be ending the lease and moving out by August 15. Natalie has expressed that she will not have a place to live and said things that make me worry she may harm herself, so I’m reaching out in hopes that you can surround her with support for housing, her mental health, and her addiction issues. I care about her, but I will not be in touch with her.” It may feel harsh, but if you believe in the idea that people need to hit bottom before getting help, the loss of housing and endless tolerance for drunken rampages might help her get there. You need to take care of yourself first. This situation is going to take a toll on you, even if you know you’re doing the right thing. When you feel ready, I strongly encourage you to talk to someone about the relationship and its dissolution. Classic Prudie My husband and I are currently renting, for the summer, the house of an old sorority sister of mine and her husband, who are on vacation in Europe. We have two-year-old twins whom we cloth-diaper. My friend’s college-age stepdaughter came over to do laundry, which we had agreed to, and discovered a load of diapers in the dryer. While clean at that point some of them do have indelible stains. She apparently told my friend, who is apparently a hysterical germophobe. She was a little bit like that in college but has obviously gotten worse over the years. She is now making an absurd demand.