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Joanna Fortune: My son is being left on the bench during matches
@Source: irishexaminer.com
You could talk to the coach about your concerns in a calm way, without venting. The coach could clarify the club’s structure, focus, and goals for the team, enabling you to make an informed decision about whether your son should stay.
Beyond this, I’m wondering what other sports your son might be interested in playing. Perhaps there are opportunities to attend soccer camps and play with friends near where you live, without the pressure of being good enough for a league team.
Participation in sports offers many physical and pro-social benefits for children, such as teamwork opportunities, mastery of challenges, and healthy risk-taking behaviour, which can strengthen self-esteem. That said, an overemphasis on the competitive aspects of a sport for children can also have an adverse effect. It can contribute to stress or anxiety and can negatively impact self-esteem if a child is compelled to measure their worth by their skill or success on the pitch.
We see this particularly when a team is solely focused on winning rather than on developing skills, suggesting areas for improvement and praising effort over outcome. Competition can be healthy, particularly when it provides children with feedback on their skills and emphasises the effort they put in, regardless of the result.
There is a lot to be said about the value of diversifying the sports your child is engaged in. In your son’s case, it would mean that it is not all about soccer and this team, but that he plays soccer in other, non-competitive settings and explores other sports. This diversification encourages children to acquire a broader range of skills and build their engagement in healthy risk-taking activities.
I suggest you sit with your son and ask him to tell you how he is feeling about his team (he may well say he still wants to stay on the team despite not getting much field time) and suggest that he also pick one new sport to try out this year (dependent on what is available in your area). You might want to consider an activity or group such as the Scouts, which offers teamwork, skill-building, independence, and adventure, where every child can participate at the level they want to, with an emphasis on effort over outcome.
You could start by introducing this approach at home. Encourage your son to help out with chores and give him opportunities to practice independence, praising him for his efforts.
If you have a question for child psychotherapist Dr Joanna Fortune, please send it to parenting@examiner.ie
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