What a weekend. Couple BIG developments on my end. I almost couldn't sleep last night knowing I'd get to pump out a Monday lesson today. Just kidding! I couldn't sleep because my kids don't sleep longer than six hours! Good thing I'm now a #percolator guy and basically have caffeine just coursing throughout my body at all hours of the day. What an invention. Why in the hell did drip coffee-makers replace these things? What were we THINKING? Welcome to a Monday Nightcaps – the one where we take a literal flamethrower to the Democratic Party with Homeland Security Sec, Kristi Noem! What else? I've got Anna Paulina Luna stopping by class, the best of the rest from a big weekend of #content, we pour one out for wacky Joe Reid's show that literally nobody watched, and maybe we'll end the day by filling out Elon's list of things we accomplished last week. Unlike the wokes in the federal government, I'm quite sure I can easily get this done in about two minutes. Hell, that's my specialty! Ask the First Lady. (Please don't). Grab you a tortilla chip for National Tortilla Chip Day, and settle in for a Monday 'Cap! Grip changes & attitude changes? Love a good tortilla chip. Not the greatest thing in the world, but they always get the job done. I don't really have anything enlightening to say about them except that. I wish I had more to offer, but that's all I got on a dreary Monday here in Florida. Just a gross day down here, which is odd given the time of year. It's worse because I'm supposed to golf with my pops tomorrow and I haven't swung a club since I had an actual lesson for the first time in 20 years two weeks ago. That's right – a lesson! The First Lady got it for me for Christmas because I've always said I wanted a tune-up, and it was worth it. Little grip change here, little more wrist-action there, and all of a sudden I'm adding 15 yards to my 8-iron. Who knew? Anyway, I wanted to go out and hit some balls today before playing 18 tomorrow, but, of course, it's raining for the first time since October. Classic. Oh well. Onwards. Patriots don't sulk. We pick ourselves up and shoot 92! Where was I? Hell, I haven't even started yet! My bad. Whatever. It is Monday, after all. The Eagles may … or may NOT … skip visiting Trump's White House this year. Shocking, I know. Didn't see it coming! I'm not ready to make a call either way right now – still too early – but would anyone be surprised? Come on. What a weekend of #content! So, here's the backstory … a couple tabloid outlets reported this weekend that the Eagles had rejected the White House invitation to come and check out Trump's diet coke button after winning the Super Bowl earlier this month. The outlet in question – The Sun – is a site I use to keep up with hot Instagram models and nothing else, if that tells you anything. Anyway, that hasn't happened – yet, at least. Mainly because Trump hasn't even extended the invitation … yet. For those who forgot – and that's all of you – Trump actually uninvited the Eagles once before – back in 2017. Hilarious, especially given that he said that some members of the team "disagree with their President because he insists that they proudly stand for the National Anthem, hand on heart, in honor of the great men and women of our military and the people of our country." What a time that was! Remember the anthem protests? Can't believe it's been almost 10 years. Time flies! Again, I could 1000% see the Eagles virtue-signaling their asses off and snubbing the president. But, there does seem to be a shift in public support – especially from athletes – for Trump. This will be the first real test. We'll see. OK, enough of the serious crap. Let's get to the #content. First up? Anna Paulina, of course! Joyless Reid, Trump's alpha shake & #TeamPerc! What a week! First off, here's my list that I've gone ahead and sent to Clay: Love that from the fine folks at 1600 Penn! Next step? Getting them to cite a Nightcaps column! It's coming. I know y'all read. Don't be shy. Join in! We'd love to have you stop on by! OK, rapid-fire time. First up? The Trump-Macron Dick Measuring Contest has RESUMED! Yep. That's the good stuff, boys and girls. Hits like crack. I missed it so much. Nobody takes a handshake more seriously than Donald J. Trump. Fault him all you want, Libs. Go for it. I don't care. You simply cannot say he doesn't absolutely dominate a good handshake. And it appears Emmanuel Macron is STILL his greatest foe. Not Putin. Not Xi. Macron. It's always been Trump vs. Macron. A battle for the ages. And, lucky us, we get to see it BACK in action for the next four years. How blessed are we? Next? Joy Reid was fired over the weekend because she is insufferable and more people read this column than watch her MSNBC show. True story. RIP! A lot of dumb stuff was said there, but this one … this one really got me: "Like Disney World, but in hell." Joy … you've never been to Disney, have you? No shot. None. Disney World IS hell. Make no mistake about it. It's the worst part of this state, by a mile. It's also IN the worst part of this state (Orlando). There is nothing, and I mean nothing, good about Disney. Joy is/was the worst, and she's also dumb to boot. Weird that she got fired. Finally, just a quick note on this percolator on the way out … This thing rocks. Even the First Lady used it this morning and swears it tastes better. Don't know why I've wasted 20 years of my coffee-drinking life on drip and K-cups. Here's an added bonus: it has also forced me to be a grown-up and actually prepare my coffee the night before. Do you know how much time that now saves me in the morning when I need to be pumping out #content? Amazing. I think this household is in for a really special few years. Take us into the week, Gov. Kristi! Couple other observations with it … 1. It will burn your skin off if you touch it while on. 2. The coffee is noticeably hotter. I haven't felt the tip on my tongue since Saturday. 3. Think I got ripped off on the cord. It's way too small, and that ain't the first time that's been said in this house! It wouldn't reach the outlet at the other location, so we had to move it to the counter. But, things were tinier back in the 1950s, so I get it. All in all, I'm happy with the choice so far. I assume there will be pitfalls along the way, but patriots don't back down from adversity, so we'll deal with them. Oh yeah … the stupid cat. Forgot about him. For everyone asking for an update, Animal Control came by Friday afternoon and took the trap back – I assume because they didn't want us catching him on the weekend – and we figured he'd turn up skinny and dead in a ditch somewhere. Fortunately for the neighborhood's morale, he appeared at neighbor Jim's house down the street yesterday afternoon and his head was free from the bucket. Somehow, he worked his way out of a tough spot. Great. Glad we still have a stray cat at my house! #Blessed. OK, that's it for today. Take us into a big week, Gov. Kristi! See you Wednesday. OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots). Are you going to miss Joy Reid's show? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.