I'm a big fan of the Planet of the Apes movies, which I have always seen as a cautionary tale about the world-conquering ambitions of apes. So, I make it my duty to keep tabs on what the ape world is up to to make sure we're all good before they start riding horses and chasing us with nets. Fortunately, I'm pleased to report that they're still just flinging their poo and sticking twigs in their buts in the name of fashion, but I have some disturbing information to pass along: monkeys — not apes, but close enough — have been caught running a phone-stealing ring and selling them for food. Like little prehensile tail-having junkies. According to an article from The Wall Street Journal, a bunch of long-tailed macaques have pretty much taken over a temple on the island of Bali and have been known to steal things from tourists. I think I was aware of that before, but what's new is that researchers have noticed the monkeys using what they steal as currency that they exchange with humans in return for food. And what's wilder is that some of these monkeys appear to even know the difference between things like phones and watches that people value, and things they don't care about as much as hats or flip-flops. This is just sad to hear. I mean, first they are stealing wallets and sunglasses and trading them for mango, then the next thing you know, they're stealing cars and insider trading. It's a slippery slope, folks. But what's raising the eyebrows of researchers is that these monkeys are displaying "unprecedented economic decision-making processes." Well, I think I can live with this for the time being. But when they start day-trading and trying to tell me why I should get really into crypto, then I'm going to get nervous.