Care and Feeding is Slate’s parenting advice column. Have a question for Care and Feeding? Submit it here. Dear Care and Feeding, My husband, “Carl,” and his ex-wife, “Lucy,” have been divorced for five years and share a 7-year-old son, “Kyle.” Lucy was recently laid off and hasn’t been successful in finding another job. She is about to be evicted from the house she rents. Her family can’t help: She and her mother do not get along, to put it mildly, and her brother lives on the other side of the country. She doesn’t want to uproot Kyle and take him away from his school, his friends, and all of his extracurricular activities. Carl does not want a situation where he will only see his son maybe a dozen times a year. His solution is that he wants to have Lucy and Kyle move in with us until Lucy can get back on her feet! Lucy and I have a cordial relationship as acquaintances, but I really am not comfortable with the idea of Carl’s ex living with us for an extended period. My husband says I am being extremely uncharitable. Making Lucy’s rental house payments is out of reach for us; however, it would be tight but doable if my husband and I were to put Lucy and Kyle up in an apartment. Carl says he doesn’t want to do that lest we have some sort of financial emergency, plus it would mean Kyle would have to give up his Taekwondo lessons and playing soccer, both of which he loves. Should I hold my ground here and insist that Lucy and Kyle live elsewhere, or just deal with letting them move in? —Reluctant to Have Roommates Dear Reluctant, The “s” in roommates is giving me pause. I understand the hesitancy to have Lucy in your home, but it seems like you have a problem with Kyle coming as well; you didn’t even propose the possibility of Kyle coming without his mother. Your husband’s son is facing homelessness, and it didn’t seem to occur to you that he must come live with you. I think you need to do some soul-searching about that. When you marry someone who has a minor child, you should be prepared for the possibility that they may need to live with you at some point. If Kyle’s mother’s housing is unstable, then your husband will have to care for him, period. That is not negotiable and he will not be a “roommate.” He is your stepson; perhaps you have been hands-off in terms of his care up until this point, but it looks as though things are changing, so you need to adapt—and quickly. As far as Lucy goes, unless you have good reason to suspect something inappropriate between her and your husband, you need to stop viewing her as your man’s ex and start looking at her as Kyle’s mother. She will be a part of your husband’s family, whether you like it or not, for the rest of his life. I can only imagine how humbling the prospect of needing to move in with you must be for her. Please be empathetic. At this moment in our country, there will be more and more instances of adults needing to move in with relatives and friends due to the instability of the job market and rising costs of living. It’s a blessing that you and your husband have the space to give to Lucy (again, Kyle’s presence in your home is a non-negotiable if he needs housing) and it will be an incredible testament to your character if you’re willing to deal with the potential discomfort of having this woman in your home. I strongly urge you to consider opening your home to Lucy, so that she and her son don’t have to be separated. It would be devastating for Kyle to be taken away from his mother under these circumstances. You, your husband, and Lucy can agree on a reasonable time in which she should be able to secure housing for herself and, ideally, for Kyle. Speaking of, it seems as though your stepson isn’t a fixture in your household. I hope that changes, even after Lucy gets back on her feet. Regardless of what your husband’s financial contribution is to Kyle’s care, he should still play a significant hands-on role in his upbringing–perhaps if he spent more time with you guys, you wouldn’t be so stricken by the prospect of him moving in even temporarily. The increased time together will be great for Kyle and your husband, and hopefully, you as well. More Parenting Advice From Slate I worked as a nanny last summer and fall, and I have a question that has been nagging at me. The child I nannied was 4 years old. About a week in, he tells me he has to poop—that’s all great and fine. But upon seeing my quizzical face when I told him to go ahead, he quickly tells me he needs me to wipe for him. I was pretty aghast by two things: One, 4 seems pretty old to have someone wipe for you. Obviously, kids aren’t great at wiping, but that seems like a lesson they should learn with potty training. Second, I was mortified that his parents never mentioned this to me.