My husband has been inviting his single pal over for tea on Sundays for the past two years. It has now become part of our routine and, in some ways, I like it. He’s a nice lad and I consider him a friend too, but it’s starting to bother me that it’s always us inviting him (and cooking for him) and he always shows up empty-handed. Not once has be brought a bottle of wine and he has never offered to bring food or dessert. All he says when he leaves is thank you – and then the same thing happens the following week. Should I say something? Alice R, via email Vicky Reynal, Money Psychotherapist, replies: Many people might empathise with your situation, where you feel like you're giving but the relationship is one-sided. A relationship with little financial reciprocity can lead to built-up frustration – however much you like the person. I invite you to break it down into three areas to reflect on. The first is what it evokes in you. It sounds like part of you might be feeling that the effort (and perhaps even the cost) of hosting is all falling on your shoulders. When this happens, it's natural to feel like your generosity is being taken for granted. While the friend expresses gratitude, you're left with a quiet sense of unease. Is there a fear of being exploited here? Or is it simply the emotional imbalance that's starting to weigh on you? Take a moment to reflect on what this situation is really tapping into. Is it reminding you of other relationships where the effort was always one-sided? Or perhaps it's that your husband is inviting his friend over as a default without fully considering how it impacts you. Understanding what's behind your frustration will help you decide how best to handle the situation moving forward. The second area to consider is why he might be coming over so frequently and without offering to return the favour. Is this a personality trait – maybe he's a bit selfish or acts in a way that makes him seem entitled or opportunistic – or could there be another explanation? Some people are simply unaware of social expectations, and he may not realise how his lack of contribution is affecting you. Alternatively, it could be that he sees you and your husband as family and feels comfortable enough to not bring anything. Perhaps he's embarrassed about his own cooking skills or the fact that his living situation is not as homely as yours, which is why he hasn't invited you over in return. He may be perfectly comfortable coming to your place because he enjoys your company (and the pleasure of a home-cooked meal), but doesn't see it as necessary to reciprocate in the traditional sense. That said, while his intentions might not be malicious, it's still important for you to feel that your efforts are appreciated. You don't have to allow yourself to be taken advantage of just because someone's intentions are good. Now, what to do about it? The first step is to have an honest conversation with your husband. After all, he's the one who's been facilitating this routine. Maybe he has more insight into his friend's behaviour than you do and can help you decide the best way forward. You consider this man a friend, and he has been coming over for years now, so instead of making this an intervention, why not simply just ask him to bring something over next time you invite him? You could on the day ask him to pick up a bottle of wine, or a dessert. This might go a long way and it might be met with a simple 'sure!' You could ask him in a very ordinary way when he is going to have you guys over for dinner some time – he might respond giving you more context, like 'my place is tiny and I don't even have a dinner table!' or 'I'd do anything to get out of my flat on weekends, but why don't I take you out for dinner sometime because it's always me coming over?'. You won't know until you ask. Try to pinpoint what about the situation is bothering you most, so you can explore the right solutions for you. If it's about the effort involved, you could suggest to your husband that you take turns with the cooking and tidying up when his friend comes over—or maybe order takeout on Sundays (if your budget allows) and agree to share the cost with the friend. For instance, he could pay for every third meal. If the issue is more about how much energy is spent on his friend versus yours, consider inviting one of your friends over next time. And if it's the monotony of doing the same thing with the same person every Sunday, then why not mix it up with a different plan—going to the movies, eating out, or hosting a game night, with or without his friend? By addressing some of the imbalance however, in a kind and gentle way, you will ensure that it's a more enjoyable dynamic next time he comes.