On 14 June, a British Royal Navy F-35B Lightning II stealth fighter jet, valued at a cool £85 million, made an unscheduled pit stop at Thiruvananthapuram International Airport in Kerala, India, after a spot of bother with bad weather and low fuel. Fast forward three weeks, and the jet is still there, grounded by a pesky hydraulic failure, with the UK now planning to airlift it back home using a C-17 Globemaster transport aircraft. What began as a routine emergency landing has spiralled into a farcical saga, complete with whispers of espionage, monsoon-soaked tarmacs and a peculiar British reluctance to accept Indian hospitality. The tale is a masterclass in how to turn a minor mishap into a global spectacle. Social media has been abuzz with memes, including a satirical listing of the jet for sale on OLX for a bargain £3.2 million, boasting “new tyres” and an “automatic gun to destroy traffic violators”. As the UK scrambles to retrieve its prized aircraft, the episode has become a delightful blend of technical woes, diplomatic dance, and unfounded fears about India pinching the F-35’s cutting-edge tech. A monsoon-drenched drama unfolds The F-35B, part of the HMS Prince of Wales Carrier Strike Group, was merrily conducting joint exercises with the Indian Navy when it hit a snag on 14 June. Adverse weather and dwindling fuel forced the pilot, Captain Mike (whose full name no media house has disclosed), to issue a distress signal, landing safely at Thiruvananthapuram, a civilian airport not exactly equipped for fifth-generation stealth fighters. Still, the Indian Air Force, ever the gracious host, coordinated the landing and offered refuelling and logistical support. But then came the twist—a hydraulic failure, critical for the jet’s short take-off and vertical landing (STOVL) capabilities, left it stranded. Initial repair attempts by a small Royal Navy team, airlifted by an AW101 Merlin helicopter, flopped spectacularly. For nearly two weeks, the jet sat on Bay 4 of the airport’s general aviation terminal, guarded by the Central Industrial Security Force (CISF) and drenched by Kerala’s monsoon rains. The British, wary of their jet’s stealth secrets, declined India’s offer to move it to Air India’s Maintenance, Repair, and Overhaul (MRO) hangar. This decision sparked a flurry of speculation, with some on X suggesting India might be itching to reverse-engineer the jet’s radar-evading tech. The reality? India, which doesn’t operate F-35s and uses Russia’s S-400 air defence system, probably has better things to do than play spy with a soggy fighter jet. And are we that good at reverse engineering? You never know! India today exports the second-highest number of geeks to the technologically advanced West after China. But leave our know-how aside. Chuckle at NATO’s paranoia! Espionage fears and a hangar snub The UK’s refusal to park the F-35B in a hangar wasn’t merely about weathering the monsoon; it was a calculated move to keep prying eyes at bay. The jet, bristling with advanced sensors and stealth coatings, is a technological marvel—forget, for a while, the issues with the F-35, which, among other reasons, dissuaded India from importing it from the US—and the British Ministry of Defence (MoD) wasn’t keen on letting it out of sight. The Royal Navy feared “third parties” might glimpse its “protected technologies”, despite India’s assurances of tight security. The ‘Indophobia’ reached comical heights when posts on X claimed India had “jammed” the jet and set 12 conditions, including a demand that Indian engineers be present during repairs. Such rumours, entirely unverified, painted a picture of a Bollywood-style standoff, with the Indian Sukhoi Su-30 MKI supposedly intercepting the jet mid-air. In truth, the IAF’s Integrated Air Command and Control System (IACCS) simply guided the distressed F-35B to safety, and the UK expressed gratitude for the support. The hangar snub also meant the jet endured Kerala’s torrential rains, prompting Kerala Tourism to cheekily post on X that even the F-35B couldn’t resist the state’s charm, dubbing it “God’s Own Country”. After two weeks of stubbornness, the UK relented on 27 June, agreeing to move the jet to the MRO facility once a 40-member team with a special tow vehicle arrived. By then, the jet had become a local celebrity, with memes joking that it deserved Indian citizenship or that the UK should pay rent in the form of the Kohinoor diamond. The great airlift and a rejection of Indian expertise With repairs proving futile, the UK threw in the towel and opted for a dramatic exit strategy: dismantling the F-35B and airlifting it via a C-17 Globemaster, a beast capable of carrying 77.5 tons. This decision followed multiple failed attempts by Royal Navy technicians and a 30-member team, including Lockheed Martin experts, to fix the hydraulic issue. The operation, set to involve a 40-member crew arriving on 5 July, underscores the complexity of handling an £85-million asset in a foreign land. Curiously, the UK also rejected proposals to involve Indian engineers in the repair process, despite India’s growing aerospace expertise. This rebuff, coupled with the hangar refusal, fuelled wild speculation about distrust, with some X posts suggesting India might nick the jet’s tech for its own fifth-generation fighter programme. In reality, India’s offer to assist was likely a gesture of goodwill, not a covert bid to crack open the F-35’s secrets. The airlift plan is no small feat. The F-35B’s 10.7 m wingspan exceeds the C-17’s cargo door width, meaning the wings must be carefully removed—a process previously executed for a damaged South Korean F-35 in 2024. The UK’s decision to airlift rather than repair on-site highlights the jet’s sensitive systems and the MoD’s determination to keep them under wraps. Meanwhile, Thiruvananthapuram airport authorities have confirmed that the UK will foot a yet-to-be-determined “parking fee” for the jet’s extended stay, adding a final comedic touch to this diplomatic debacle. As the F-35B saga draws to a close, it leaves behind a trail of memes, diplomatic niceties and a lesson in how not to handle a grounded stealth jet. The British High Commission has repeatedly thanked India for its “first-class support”, yet the episode has dented the F-35 programme’s image, already under scrutiny for its high maintenance costs, as noted in a 2024 US Department of Defense report. For now, the jet’s Kerala holiday is set to end with a costly airlift, proving that even the world’s most advanced fighter can’t escape the chaos of a good old British cock-up. The author is a senior journalist and writer. Views expressed in the above piece are personal and solely that of the author. They do not necessarily reflect News18’s views.