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Experts reveal the red flags By JONATHAN CHADWICK FOR MAILONLINE Published:11:14 BST, 7 May 2025 |Updated:11:15 BST, 7 May 2025 From body shaming to willful silences, there's multiple verbal red flags that can spell doom for couples. Experts say there are many things that should never come out of your mouth, even in the middle of a red-hot shouting match. Now, an American psychologist reveals the single 'toxic' phrase that could permanently ruin your relationship. Dr Mark Travers, who has degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder, said it's the number one phrase that breaks up couples. And if you hear it coming from your partner's mouth, it may be a sign to get out of that relationship fast. 'There’s one phrase I’ve seen come up in these exchanges that’s more damaging than you think,' he said in a new piece for CNBC. 'If you use this toxic phrase, your relationship is in trouble.' According to the expert, the phrase is: 'Why can’t you be more like [insert other person’s name]?' An American psychologist reveals the single 'toxic' phrase that could ruin your relationship (file photo) When your boyfriend, for example, has uttered it, they'll be comparing you with their ex-girlfriend, their friend, their mother, or even a version of yourself from the past. Dr Travers calls this the ‘death-by-comparison’ effect – as it's an obvious indication that your relationship is in trouble or on its last legs. 'At first glance, it might seem like a throwaway line or a sigh of frustration in the middle of an argument,' he explains. 'What couples fail to recognize is that the person named is actually irrelevant, whether it’s an ex, a best friend’s girlfriend, or even “how you used to be”. 'The real message will always remain the same: “You’re not enough, and someone else – anyone else – could do a better job at being my partner",' he explains. Hearing the phrase directed at you can have a damaging effect on your self-worth, even when the relationship has been ended. 'Over time, this kind of comparison can give rise to irreparable insecurity issues,' added Dr Travers, who is the lead psychologist at Awake Therapy in New York City. 'Rather than feeling loved for who they are, the person on the receiving end will start questioning their worth and constantly wonder if they’re living up to expectations.' The ‘death-by-comparison’ effect is an obvious indication that your relationship is in trouble or on its last legs (file photo) What to say instead Dr Travers says relationships most often 'don’t fall apart overnight' but 'crumble under the weight of small missteps' 'I know we both get frustrated sometimes, but it would mean a lot to me if we could speak to each other kindly, without yelling.' 'It’s hard for me when our arguments escalate so fast. I’d love for us to work on staying grounded together during tough moments.' Advertisement He continues: 'Relationships can’t thrive when we ask our partner to be someone they’re not. 'Happiness can only be achieved when we communicate what we need clearly, without shame or comparison. 'That’s why this phrase itself isn’t the real problem. It’s usually a symptom of a much deeper dysfunction: the fear of openly speaking up.' According to the expert, people might hold back negative feelings in a relationship, which can make them mentally sweep them aside them until they eventually spill over, resulting in the dreaded phrase being uttered. He explains: 'These moments only pile up over time, until the day comes that they inexplicably blurt out something like, “Why can’t you be more like Sarah’s husband? He actually plans dates.” 'It’s not necessarily that they want a different partner; it’s that they don’t feel safe enough to voice their needs plainly. 'The more secure and emotionally close a person feels in their relationship, the more likely they are to communicate directly.' Dr Travers says relationships most often 'don’t fall apart overnight' but 'crumble under the weight of small missteps', many of which take a verbal form. According to another relationships expert, there are four phrases that are instant red flags. In a viral video, TikTok star Jeff Guenther, from Portland, Oregon, said three of them are 'We are so different', 'We never fight' and 'It moved so fast'. Revealed: The four types of LOVERS, according to science But the fourth one is a little more surprising – 'The chemistry is so hot'. Guenther explains: 'When I ask what they love about the relationship and they say, "the chemistry is hot and the magnetism is so strong, it's hard to explain." 'It's great to have an electric spark, but if you can't name anything specific about why you're a good match, it's a little suspicious.' Meanwhile, MailOnline's sex expert Tracey Cox says there are 18 things you should never say in a relationship, including 'Why can't you be more like…' These are the 18 things you should NEVER say in a relationship, according to Tracey Cox - and here's what to do if you've already blurted them out MailOnline's sex expert Tracey Cox reveals the 18 things you should never say in a relationship - and what to do if you've already said them. Some of the worst offenders are You don't turn me on', 'You're crazy' and 'You've turned into your mum'. Cox says: 'Words are powerful. There are lots of things that, once out of our mouths, cannot be 'unsaid'. 'No amount of back-tracking, justifying or explaining is going to alter the fact your relationship has been changed forever because of it. 'Think before you speak. Even in the middle of that red-hot rage.' 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Celebrity Big Brother star Danny Beard makes heartbreaking confession about his childhood - and reveals who he thought 'hated him' in the house Hailey Bieber sips a MARTINI en route to the Met Gala after Justin smoked a blunt amidst new parental stress Anna Wintour sparks fears she will have 'poor intern executed' and 'fire her entire styling team' as eagle-eyed fans spot suspicious red stain on her Met Gala gown FKA Twigs sparks uproar among fans for appearing at Met Gala after canceling US tour dates over visa issues Baz Luhrmann joins fashion legend Stella McCartney and a host of A-listers as he channels Karl Lagerfeld at ritzy Met Gala after party Rihanna breaks her silence on being pregnant for third time as she appears 'over 6 months along' Sharon Osbourne, 72, looks sombre as she steps out for a spot of shopping after cancelling her talk show tour due to a 'family issue' Pregnant Rihanna bares baby bump as she joins A$AP Rocky at his Met Gala afterparty alongside Heidi Klum, Sabrina Carpenter and Jenna Ortega Victoria Beckham pointedly shares portraits of her children apart from Brooklyn after he snubbed David's birthday amid 'devastating rift' claims The five word remark Kate made to Princess Charlotte about dad William at the VE Day flypast is revealed by lip reader Rebekah Vardy finally agrees to pay Coleen Rooney huge seven-figure sum after losing Wagatha Christie courtroom showdown Rumi the superstar! Beyonce's rarely-seen daughter outshines her mother and sister on stage during Cowboy Carter tour Why has Nicola Peltz never been seen at a Beckham event with Romeo's girlfriend? Instagram clues as mystery over Brooklyn's snub to his dad David deepens Pamela Anderson gives her verdict on her Met Gala gown as she shares stunning behind-the-scenes snaps after trolls branded look 'matronly and frumpy' She's a '90s hip hop icon with eight Grammy Awards, one groundbreaking album and family ties to Bob Marley - but can YOU guess who she is? Walton Goggins talks 'disagreements' with wife Nadia Connors as fans speculate he has ended his feud with White Lotus co-star Aimee Lou Wood Sir David Attenborough, 98, tells 'greatest story he's ever told' in his new film - after admission the icon is 'nearing the end of his life' Hollywood star Jeremy Renner reveals 'beautiful' image he witnessed the moment he 'died' following horrific snowplow accident Megan Thee Stallion puts on a busty display in a gem-encrusted bra as she arrives at A$AP Rocky's party after major rule break at the Met Gala Halle Berry, 58, draws strong reaction for very racy sheer dress at Met Gala 2025 The Met Gala curse! How loved-up couples who attend the fashion event of the year together often end up SPLITTING soon after White Lotus star Lisa shocks at Met Gala as she appears to wear lace panties with face of Rosa Parks on her crotch Sabrina Carpenter turns heads in a canary yellow frock coat as she links arms with leggy Jenna Ortega outside A$AP Rocky's Met Gala after-party in New York All the secret outfit messages at the Met Gala 2025, including one VERY controversial take - can YOU spot them? Anne Hathaway, 42, fuels MORE plastic surgery speculation as she lets her hair down with Stella McCartney, James Corden and Chris Rock at after-party Lewis Hamilton shares emotional post after co-chairing the Met Gala as he honours black style theme writing 'Now we're seen' before heading to afterparty JK Rowling says she would never get HBO Harry Potter star fired because they hold different trans views to her Cardi B looks strikingly different as she sports a dramatic bleached blonde wig while joining glam Heidi and Leni Klum and Doja Cat at Cipriani Met Gala party Nicole Kidman debuts shocking hair transformation as she dons edgy 2025 Met Gala look in New York City Inside the Met Gala! Famous stars risk the wrath of Anna Wintour as they break her golden rule on fashion's biggest night Royal works of art! King and Queen unveil their official Coronation state portraits on second anniversary of historic event Cristiano Ronaldo's lookalike son, 14, is called up to play for Portugal - and could face England - on road to dad's dream of playing in the same team Zendaya stuns in a form-fitting Bardot dress as she attends Casa Cipriani Met Gala after-party - hours after 'saving' the annual fashion extravaganza' A-listers shun the Met Gala as Zendaya, Kim Kardashian, Gigi Hadid and Miley Cyrus lead the stars Squid Game fans left 'sobbing and emotionally destroyed' as Netflix reveals 'devastating' twist in first season three trailer Michelle Ackerley is pregnant! TV presenter is expecting her first child with rugby coach husband Benjamin Ryan amid endometriosis battle Liam Payne's girlfriend Kate Cassidy reveals another touching 'sign' the late star has sent her after promising to meet him again 'in the next life' Vera Wang looks strikingly different with bold new hairstyle and incognito shades for unusual 2025 Met Gala look Meghan Markle discusses leaving Britain for California with wellness entrepreneur who made same move after struggling to 'fit in' How chilly legs became the hottest new look! A-listers embrace no-trousers trend on Met Gala red carpet How Louis's star was born! Seven-year-old Prince's scene-stealing performances on the world stage as he delights fans once more at VE Day festivities This Morning fans have A LOT of complaints just minutes into show as Cat Deeley and Ben Shephard make divisive return Corrie fans divided as beloved star leaves soap with emotional exit scenes - as some break down in tears while others slam 'rushed and boring' goodbye Celebrity Big Brother star reveals dramatic impact show had on his health as he claims there was 'no aftercare' for stars following their exit from the house TECH NEWS & REVIEWS Wordle has a hidden 'hard mode' - but players claim it might actually make the game EASIER While an estimated 300,000 people play Wordle daily, many are unaware of a secret 'hard mode', which can be found within the game's settings. 353 comments Apple could start selling iPhones and iPads as part of a SUBSCRIPTION service from 2023, report claims A new report from Bloomberg claims that Apple is working on selling iPhones and iPads as part of a hardware subscription service. 93 comments YouTube adds thousands of FREE TV shows and movies to its service including The Sandlot, Legally blonde and There Will Be Blood as company moves to compete with streaming giants This is the latest move from the Google-owned social video giant, as it tries to compete in an increasingly crowded, and competitive market. 68 comments Project Skyway: World's largest network of 'drone superhighways' could be built in ENGLAND - connecting the Midlands with the Southeast over 165 miles If approved, Project Skyway will connect the airspace above cities including Reading, Oxford, Milton Keynes, Cambridge, Coventry, and Rugby. 58 comments About time! Instagram FINALLY brings back the chronological feed - six years after it was ditched in favour of a curated feed Instagram is launching two new ways for users to catch up with their feed - Following and Favourites - which will show posts in chronological order. Smart BRA with built-in ultrasound technology can detect early signs of breast cancer The smart bra features small ultrasound sensors in the lining, and was developed by Nextwear Technology, a wearables firm based in Abuja, Nigeria. Smartwatches are less effective at tracking the health of people with dark skin, study finds The research by University of Alberta is the first to pool figures from multiple studies to specifically examine how skin tone may affect the accuracy of heart data in wearables 40 comments World's THINNEST mechanical watch is unveiled: Bulgari's Octo Finissimo Ultra is thinner than a 10p coin - and has an eye-watering £332,700 price tag Rome-based Bulgari spent three years developing the watch, which is crafted from sandblasted titanium as measures just 0.07 inches (1.8mm) thick. 308 comments Smart ring that constantly measures your temperature could provide an early warning of Covid-19 infection - even if your symptoms are subtle Experts from the University of California and MIT Lincoln Lab studied data on 50 people who owned sensor rings and had had Covid-19 before the study. 196 comments Suzuki could launch a FLYING CAR by 2025 after joining forces with Japanese startup SkyDrive Suzuki has announced that it's joining forces with Tokyo-based flying car firm SkyDrive to develop an electric, vertical takeoff and landing aircraft. 76 comments You could soon feel PAIN in the metaverse: Creepy armband uses electrical stimulation to mimic uncomfortable sensations such as a bird pecking at your skin H2L, a Sony-backed company based in Tokyo, has developed an armband that uses electrical stimulation to deliver physical pain. 35 comments Engineers develop a bizarre 'magnetic tentacle robot' that can move around the narrow tubes of the lungs to take tissue samples Like something from a horror film, the new robot's 'magnetic tentacle' would slowly creep into the mouth of a patient under under general anesthesia, University of Leeds scientists show. 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