What a frisky fellow Robert Jenrick has become. He pestered her, niggled her, flew Sopwith Camel sorties round her head and evaded her swishing fist. In cricket some bowlers have the ability to make a batsman hurry his shots. Mr Jenrick does that in a parliamentary setting. For ministers it – or rather he – is jolly, jolly annoying. Ms Mahmood is by no means the dimmest of His Majesty’s ministers yet Mr Jenrick makes her look as furtive as a shoplifter. He was having a go at her over the Sentencing Council (bunch of Lefty handwringers, m’Lud) and their ‘two-tier guidance’ to judges which appears to give preferential justice to ethnic minorities. Ms Mahmood claimed that she would ‘never stand for a two-tier approach to sentencing’ but Mr Jenrick kept nosing ahead of her. Before the end of the session the minister was insisting that she had been ‘very clear’ about her stance. When they have to play the ‘I’ve been very clear’ card it is evident that they have not been clear enough. He’s a lean piece of work these days, Jenrick. Until fairly recently he was a plumpish pear shape, broad at the hips with love handles and a floppy fringe. No more. The new Jenrick has been on Ozempic and now boasts a Russian supermodel’s cheekbones. His suits are slim-fit. The hair is mown as short as a bowling lawn. Having been denied ample nosebag he has taken instead to chewing opponents. This new Jenrick is an efficient parliamentary operator, undoubtedly rehearsed but ruthless. He flicks his wrists as he issues practised soundbites. It’s almost a surprise that he has not started talking in rap-musician rhymes. Jenrick the dude. The tippy-toed street tough. Ms Mahmood, having uttered the Lord Chancellor’s oath (‘I do solemnly swear to revere lawyers, keep them in juicy beans and never upset the Bar Council’, something like that), it was tricky for her to denounce the Sentencing Council as a bunch of interfering nincompoops who needed firmly putting back in their boxes. Sir Keir Starmer, himself a lawyer, can not quite say that either because it would upset Lady Carr, the rip snortingly la-di-dah Lady Chief Justice. She has already told off the PM and Kemi Badenoch for daring to doubt the verdict of a lowly immigration judge. Lady Carr once played lacrosse for Wycombe Abbey. You do not lightly disagree with such memsahibs. Luckily for Labour there was a backbencher happy to have a pop at the Sentencing Council’s boobies. Jonathan Hinder (Pendle & Clitheroe) cried that their behaviour was ‘arrogant’, that Parliament should remember that it was sovereign – as indeed it now is, thanks to Brexit – and that too much power had been surrendered to unelected bodies. Well said, that man. What on earth is he doing in the modern Labour party? Ms Mahmood: ‘I thank my Hon friend.’ Yikes, Lady Carr won’t like that. If Shabana is not careful she could find herself cudgelled round the head by a lacrosse stick. As for Mr Jenrick, he creates his own luck. Conservative backbenchers supported his sallies. Esther McVey (Con, Tatton) managed to say ‘two-tier justice’ three times in three short sentences. The Tories infuriated Ms Mahmood’s ministers, eliciting peevish heckles from the Government front bench. Sir Nick Dakin, a parliamentary under-secretary, completely stalled during one of his answers. Poor Sir Nick is a kindly old maid but he was later driven to raging sloganeering by Jenrick’s mosquitoes. Went quite pink in the face, fingers shaking with it all. The mouse that roared. The House later heard about the North Sea shipping collision. Closer to home it was apparent that MV Jenrick had rammed into MV Mahmood and caused some significant damage. A blaze ensued and it may be days before Downing Street has the situation entirely under control.