Blowing their own: Trumpet of Patriots candidate for La Trobe Greg Hardiman has a strong message: “It’s time for real people to step up, put our country first, and fight for policies that work — just like Trump is doing in the US.” And boy, oh boy, does he look real in his beautifully and eerily smooth candidate photo: The artificial softness of Hardiman’s picture is particularly striking among his colleagues. ToP candidate pics run the full gauntlet of framing (many opting for “disconcertingly close to the camera”) and quality of image, with some seemingly taken on phones they don’t make anymore. We asked the party if this image had been touched up using AI, but they didn’t get back to us by deadline. But perhaps the “face manipulation” reading from this AI image detector can answer that for us… Beef Rapp: Last week, we took no pleasure in telling you that one of the teals had done a rap. We thought the bottom of the barrel had been reached. But bless the Liberals, they went and scraped away at the bottom of the barrel until they carved a tunnel. They have put out, *sigh*, a “diss” track aimed at Prime Minister Anthony Albanese. Practically everyone who has commented on the song’s Soundcloud page hates it (obviously), except Freya Leach (obviously). And who is this cool rapper drafted in to drop rhymes about how the prices of his groceries aren’t like they ‘sposed to be? We suspect he was picked from the same talent agencies that provided the Libs with all those absolutely real multicultural young people rocking their merchandise. Eh? Aye. Got a tip? Heard a murmur? Contact us securely via our tip-off form, or via our Signal and WhatsApp using the number +61 432 717 297. Post of the day: There are risks with irony, particularly in the wilfully obtuse world of politics, but doubly so in an election so cloaked in unreality. Take the Young Nationals, who were inspired by the recent “Taylor-ing” of Andrew Gee, himself a former Nat who split from the party over their stance on the Voice, whose account was spotted lavishing praise upon… his own profile. Waste not want not As we in the bunker are swiftly finding out, it’s tough, and pricey, to run as an independent. So full marks to Ben Britton, now running as an independent in Whitlam after becoming the most recent joke at the expense of Liberal pre-selectors, when it turned out he had, well, quite a few red flags that a decent vetting process would have picked up. As spotted by Aaron Smith on X, Britton has clearly figured that instead of throwing away all those perfectly good posters, you can just use a little masking tape, patience and a permanent marker to make them as good as new: Just to add to the confusion of an independent with decidedly Liberal Party colours, perhaps the party might want to have a quick word with Google about what still comes up when you search for him: Poll freak out of the week: It’s been fascinating to watch the Murdoch tabloids deal with this most colourless and dispiriting of elections — it’s clearly taken its toll. Remember “kick this mob out?” or when they accused Bill Shorten of exaggerating the sacrifices his late mother had made raising him? Contrasted that to this year, when there’s a clear sense of resignation. The Daily Telegraph’s front pages have been practically neutral on the subject. The last gasp of any real fight seemed to come on its website last Thursday, when polling showing the increasing likelihood of a minority Labor government with a powerful crossbench appeared to enrage the Tele editors, who attempted to terrify their readers with the image of King Emperor Adam Bandt sending landlords to the gulag for not installing enough solar panels. The homepage featured a truly heroic effort to make his adorable massive toothbrush prop look frightening with a background that looks like a mock-up of European soccer flares.