Gymnastics has arrived. Know the signs. 1: Your children will watch fairly crap TV as long as it’s about gymnastics. 2: They’re going to gymnastics class 3: Cartwheels are a form of greeting when meeting other children. Seriously. Among children of a certain age, ability to do a handstand is their Linkedin profile. “Hi my name is [name]. I can do a handstand. Can you do a handstand? Here I’ll show you.” I think that last one is mainly a girl thing. As far as I can tell, when small boys meet each other they just go and run at something together. Gymnastics seeps in around Olympics time and if they’re still on it in a non-Olympic year then it’s stuck. Simone Biles was the vector for our two. When they first heard her name, they called her by the best spoonerism I’d heard in a while. Smilin Bones. I don’t know whether they meant it or not. Whichever one reflects better on me as a parent I suppose. Gymnastics is also the ultimate urban small house sport. Once you have a space where you are unlikely to overbalance and knock over the telly, you can do most of what you need to do at that age in an average sitting room with the small table moved off to one side. It’s also busybody proof. Unfortunately, our car-ridden, insurance-ridden, nosey-parker society seems incapable of allowing children to play anything more complicated than Ludo outdoors without someone moaning. People don’t seem to complain as much about children doing handstands in a park. Cartwheels on a footpath seem mostly safe from car wheels. It apparently is good for all sorts of stuff later in life and cognitive development as well. But I’m in awe of what they can do now. “Can you do this Daddy?” They say in mid handstand. Girl I can barely do a footstand. The most crucial skill it teaches them: Stretching. I could be president now if I’d really stretched myself. I try to do it when running but grudge the time spent on it so much, I don’t do anything like the right amount. I don’t know why. It’s not as if I’ve anything else to be doing. What’s that? You want me to spend 10 minutes doing something that will lead to less pain later in life? Don’t be silly! I’ve some important scrolling to do. Yet my two do their stretches without any quibble. I’m sure people were somersaulting all through history but the Greeks seem to be the first to put a word on it. The word gymnastics comes from the Greek words “to exercise naked”. Of course it does. The Greeks, never not at it. The Greeks didn’t have Netflix so their gymnastics was recorded by the Athenian philosopher Philostratus in “Gymnastics: The Ethics of an Athletic Aesthetic” a title which literally gives you the ic. Apparently, 1 in 5 girls drop out of sport between primary and secondary school, four times the rate of boys. So if they can hang in there, upside down or otherwise, I’ll have a lot to thank gymnastics for.