Advertisement Horse Racing TV Listings GAA Fixtures Behind the Lines Sportswriters discuss their careers and the work that inspires them. Rugby Weekly Extra Dive into all the news and analysis 3 times a week The Football Family Weekly insights from the week’s big talking points Advertisement More Stories Ruairí Keating.Tom Maher/INPHO FreeInterview 'It's always there' - Ruairí Keating opens up on grief, and why he needed to return to Cork Ruairí Keating speaks exclusively to The 42 about coming to terms with the tragic loss of his father. 8.01am, 8 Feb 2025 Share options Gavin Cooney RUAIRÍ KEATING WAS a Cork City player on the night his world was shattered, and now he is a Cork City player again as he builds a life in an aftermath. “This is like a second home to me,” Keating tells The 42 over a coffee in Douglas. “It’s one of the football clubs that just fits. The way I have played, the way I have felt wearing the jersey, and how the club have made my family feel in the good times and through the hard times.” The hard times mantle all others. Keating was playing for Cork in a league game away to Sligo in July 2023, but was substituted at half-time and given the incomprehensible news: his father Ciarán had been killed in a car crash on his way to the game. His mother, Ann Marie, survived the accident, though had been brought to hospital for her injuries. “He was like a big brother to me,” says Ruairí. “He wasn’t like a dad.” Ciarán found every corner of the country as he watched his son play football, and travelled with him when he was playing abroad in England and Netherlands. Ruairí remembers his father coming out with him for a meal and a few drinks after a game for Torquay United a few years ago, and running into a couple of team-mates. “They couldn’t believe I was out with my dad,” he says. “They said they had never seen a relationship like it, some of the boys were saying they don’t even speak to their dads.” Cork gave Keating as much time off as he wanted but he returned six weeks later, saying he wanted to help the club in their relegation battle. Keating wanted to pour his heartbreak into the practical business of scoring goals, and so picked himself up, he admits, “not even really knowing what to do and what’s going to happen down the road.” The opposition again were Sligo Rovers, this time at Turner’s Cross. Keating scored a hat-trick in a 3-0 win and left the pitch in tears, cradling the match ball loosely in one hand as he pointed to the sky with the other. Ruairí Keating after his return to action for Cork City in 2023.Ken Sutton / INPHO Ken Sutton / INPHO / INPHO Keating was voted onto the PFAI Team of the Season and made the three-man shortlist for Player of the Year, but Cork were relegated, losing the play-off final to Waterford after extra time. Keating had to be taken off at half-time with an injury. While Cork dropped down to the First Division, Keating remained in the top flight by joining St Patrick’s Athletic, heralded as a signature attacking signing for the FAI Cup winners. Advertisement Things didn’t work out, and Keating was back at Cork by the following July, helping them to gain another promotion to the Premier Division. “I have been playing on adrenaline over the last 18 months, making a lot of decisions on emotion, rather than sitting down and going through things,” says Keating. “I’ve made a lot of decisions that I wouldn’t if I was in a good headspace.” He says he has much better focus now, and is at the point where he is ready to speak publicly about his awful turmoil. “There have been very few good days,” he says in a steady tone. “The whole world just stands still. It’s just me and my thoughts. Overthinking things, thinking of the what ifs and why. It’s horrible. You never forget, that’s the problem. It’s always there, it is so hard to erase it from your memory.” I ask if he feels any guilt. “Nobody has ever asked me that question . . . but I do feel some guilt, yeah. That day obviously revolved around me. I always think if things were different . . . I do blame myself a lot. I guess that’s just something I have to live with, and always wonder if it had been different if Sligo played their home games on a Friday; they are one of the only teams to play on a Saturday.” Amid the incomprehension after the accident, Keating found the only way to silence these thoughts was to numb them. “I turned to alcohol. It was the only way I could cope with the way I was feeling.” He drank, he says, until he couldn’t anymore, as it was his only means of falling asleep. “I found myself staring at the roof, going over scenarios in my head, trying to come to terms with things.” It started shortly after his dad’s passing. Keating drank at home after his kids went to bed, and drank more in the off-season, when he didn’t have to be up for training the following morning. He moved to Pat’s but he kept on drinking. After games, he would sometimes park the car at home and go down to his local pub to drink alone, wearing the club tracksuit. Keating suffers an ankle injury, playing for Pat's against Shamrock Rovers.Tom Maher / INPHO Tom Maher / INPHO / INPHO His time at Pat’s was exacerbated by bad luck. He injured ankle ligaments early in the season, and in one of his first starts under Stephen Kenny, Keating was knocked out cold in a challenge and stood down from all activity for two weeks under concussion protocol. This merely offered more eons of silence; more time to think. “I was losing control of myself,” says Keating, “not just my football career.” “I didn’t recognise the damage I was doing to myself, and to others. How are you supposed to be a dad if everything is drink? My only thoughts, whatever we were doing, wherever we were going, was, ‘I’m going to have a drink here.’ “I had a moment with Emily, my partner, when things were getting really bad. My daughter was starting school in September, and we had a conversation with each other and said, ‘Look, we need to get serious about what we are doing here, and settle down as a family.’ My only thought was to go back to Cork, because they love me down here.” He sat down with Pat’s and opened up on his struggles, explaining that it was best for him to be in Cork, where he felt a greater support structure. Keating says he doesn’t want to appear critical of anyone at Pat’s, but many of the people at Cork City were with him the night of the accident, and so knew exactly what had happened and how it was affecting him. “I didn’t take that opportunity [at Pat's] as well as I could have if my dad was here,” he says. “That’s another thing I have to live with.” Returning to Cork, Keating says, has made him realise that he needed to be somebody. Life will never be the same again, but there is a measure of solace, or at least distraction, to be found in its roles. His daughter has started primary school in Cork, while his three-year-old son is starting pre-school. “They keep me going,” says Keating. “They keep me alive and keep me happy and distracted. I have to be a superhero for them, so I can’t let them see me upset and down because they don’t understand. Being a dad to them is keeping me going.” “I have got to be Dad, it’s like when I play football. I have to be Ruairí Keating, who everyone expects to score goals and help the team win games. Coming back here helped me realise that, and that’s what I needed.” He is still seeking closure over the accident. In October last year, Dean Harte (21) of Mullingar Road, Tyrrellspass, Co Westmeath pleaded guilty to careless driving causing the death of Ciarán Keating, with the case adjourned until later this month. The fact the accident has consistently made news headlines, says Keating, has kept bringing him back to the day itself. “I just hope I get to know what happened that day, and I can hopefully come to terms with all of it and make sense with this whole thing, please God. That’s been the most difficult thing.” Keating with his new Cork City strike partner, Seani Maguire.Tom Maher / INPHO Tom Maher / INPHO / INPHO Keating’s attitude to life has changed since the accident: take each day as it comes, because tomorrow is not guaranteed. “I am a lot more settled now, and a lot more focused on what I have to do. Being nominated for Player of the Year the season before [last], getting in Team of the Season, was a massive boost. “It showed me who I could be and the player I could be.” If you have been affected by any of the issues mentioned in this article, you can reach out for support through the following helplines. These organisations also put people in touch with long-term supports: Samaritans 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org Text About It - text HELLO to 50808 (mental health issues) Aware 1800 80 48 48 (depression, anxiety) Pieta House 1800 247 247 or text HELP to 51444 – (suicide, self-harm) Teen-Line Ireland 1800 833 634 (for ages 13 to 19) Childline 1800 66 66 66 (for under 18s) Gavin Cooney Viewcomments Send Tip or Correction Embed this post To embed this post, copy the code below on your site Email “'It's always there' - Ruairí Keating opens up on grief, and why he needed to return to Cork”. Recipient's Email Feedback on “'It's always there' - Ruairí Keating opens up on grief, and why he needed to return to Cork”. Your Feedback Your Email (optional) Report a Comment Please select the reason for reporting this comment. Please give full details of the problem with the comment... This is YOUR comments community. Stay civil, stay constructive, stay on topic. 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