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Our only child collapsed and died while playing the Field Game alongside his father at Eton College - here's why we want to talk about his death
@Source: dailymail.co.uk
A couple whose 17-year-old son died suddenly during a school sports match have spoken one year after his death, giving their advice on dealing with and discussing grief.
Raphael Pryor collapsed on the green at Eton College while playing Field Game, a rugby-football hybrid unique to the school.
Raphael's father Michael Pryor watched in horror as his son dropped and CPR commenced, before the teenager was taken to Wexham Park Hospital and kept alive until his mother arrived.
Sabine Vandenbroucke rushed to her son's hospital bed and Raphael was pronounced dead at 10.30pm on March 16, 2024, with the cause of death as sudden adult death syndrome (SADS).
SADS is given as a cause of death after a cardiac arrest that cannot be explained by a post-mortem examination because the heart's structure appears normal.
Speaking a year after her son's death, Mrs Vandenbroucke told The Sunday Times: 'We feel the grief so viscerally because we loved him so much.
'We don't want to get rid of the grief because the flip side would be we get rid of the love. I never loved anyone as much as him and I will never again.'
Mrs Vandenbroucke, 53, recounts social events at which she would mention her son to the discomfort of fellow guests, although she wants to discuss Raphael, saying: 'He is, and will always be, my favourite subject.'
The Belgian-born company director explained how she wants to discuss her grief, saying that people should not be hesitant to speak to the bereaved about the loss of their loved ones.
'It's unlikely that you can make it worse by what you say,' added Mr Pryor, 55, a property lawyer and Eton alumnus who had been playing an alumni match on a nearby field shortly before his son's death.
The couple remembered how the most helpful of their friends brought over dishes of food without asking in the weeks after Raphael died.
For those unsure of how to console grieving loved ones, sending flowers in later months will be as appreciated as sending them straight away.
Immediately after the death, the house is overrun with flowers only to have them all die in unison, they said.
And vague phrases such as 'I'm sorry for your loss', say the couple, can be switched for specific language, referencing 'Raphael's death' instead.
Mr Pryor and Mrs Vandenbroucke praised Raphael's school friends who spoke to them confidently and directly when offering their condolences at an Eton reflection service four days after he died.
They found hope in their son's generation, they said, whose empathy and ability to look inwards is unmatched.
One year after their son's death, the parents have undertaken therapy, travelled to Raphael's favourite places, taken care to cherish and remember their fondest moments with him and have not shied away from the grieving process.
In his final year of school when he died, Raphael would have sat A-levels in maths, history and French.
He was an avid sportsman with a love for skiing, football, cycling and fishing.
And Mrs Vandenbroucke carries on with life by working, running and visiting places her son loved, such as local restaurants and the Belgian coast, believing she will one day see him again.
Raphael's parents do not like the term Sudden Adult Death Syndrome because it makes his death sound like a 'condition' when, really, they are comfortable with the fact that doctors could not provide an explanation for his death.
Still awaiting the coroner's inquest, they have been supported by the charity Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood and feel 'unexplained' better describes Raphael's circumstances of death.
Mr Pryor and Mrs Vandenbroucke have made peace with the fact that their grief will never diminish. It may not even reduce. It will just become more manageable.
And they find comfort in remembering their son as lively, energetic, kind and comfortable in his own skin.
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