Ximena Vengoechea Ximena Vengoechea In a world increasingly dominated by distraction, Ximena Vengoechea is on a mission to help us truly hear one another again. Growing up on Staten Island with three sisters, Vengoechea was raised in a household where ideas flourished. Her father, an architect and urban planning professor, and her mother, who worked in publishing, instilled in her a strong work ethic and intellectual curiosity. But perhaps most importantly, they modeled independence—a quality that would later empower her to forge her own unconventional path. "I was someone who had a lot of freedom growing up," Vengoechea reflects during our interview. "I was encouraged to explore things." This encouragement manifested in remarkable ways, including studying abroad in the Czech Republic during her sophomore year of high school—an experience that taught her as much about her own family's unique dynamics as it did about adapting to a new culture. This early taste of cultural immersion sparked what would become a lifelong passion for languages and understanding different perspectives. Vengoechea now speaks four languages, having lived not only in the Czech Republic but also Namibia, Uruguay, and Paris. For her, language isn't merely a tool for communication but a gateway to connection. "I have a sort of deep reverence for language as a form of communication, but also as a form of connection," she explains. "If you’re going somewhere, it’s really important to be able to communicate in that language because it's the way of learning about people, their customs." Vengoechea's academic journey took her to Harvard, though she notes she never had particular Ivy League aspirations. Her career has followed an equally non-linear trajectory, moving between the art world, academia, and technology—a path she describes as having "major zigs and zags." MORE FOR YOU Netflix’s Best New Show Nabs A Perfect 100% Critic Score, 94% Audience ‘Severance’ Season 2, Episode 8 Recap And Review: I’m Not Sure How I Feel About This One 26 Million Devices Hit By Infostealers—Bank Cards Leaked To Dark Web These transitions weren’t random, however. Each shift was underpinned by thorough research and networking, reflecting her methodical approach to exploration. This blend of boldness and preparation eventually led her to user research, where listening became not just a skill – but a professional necessity. As a user researcher, Vengoechea refined the art of deep listening, developing techniques to understand not just what people say but what they truly mean and need. These professional insights, combined with her personal experiences navigating different cultures and languages, formed the foundation for what would become her book: "Listen Like You Mean It: Reclaiming the Lost Art of True Connection." Listen Like You Mean It: Reclamining the Lost Art of True Connection by Ximena Vengoechea Ximena Vengoechea Vengoechea's approach to listening goes beyond theory, offering practical techniques anyone can apply in daily conversations. One particularly valuable insight is her guidance on summarizing what you've heard without sounding mechanical. "Playing back what you've heard has two purposes," she explains. "One is you're validating the other person's experience, and the other is that it's clarifying." But effective summarizing isn't about repeating everything verbatim. "The point is to hone in what the person is feeling or experiencing. Synthesize it for yourself and then reflect that back." This process of distillation—turning a paragraph into a bullet point—demonstrates that you're making meaning from the conversation, not just recording it. When someone shares multiple concerns or challenges, Vengoechea suggests simple reflections like, "It sounds like you've got a lot going on." This gives the speaker an opportunity to either confirm your understanding or redirect the conversation. Another powerful tool is recognizing when to simply listen without offering solutions or identifications. When someone shares a painful experience, responses like "I know exactly how you feel" can actually create distance. Instead, Vengoechea recommends acknowledging emotions directly: "That sounds really hard" or "This seems like a lot to process." For those who find themselves distracted during conversations, Vengoechea offers a mindfulness technique: "It's being able to say, 'Oh, there go my thoughts. I'm not paying attention anymore because I'm thinking about what I want to say next,' or 'I'm noticing my chest is getting tight. I'm having an emotional response to what's being said.'" This self-awareness creates the opportunity to return to active listening. Vengoechea's book deconstructs listening into learnable components, beginning with the foundation: a listening mindset grounded in humility. "Listening with humility really means that you’re coming in with an open mind about what you’re about to hear," she explains. "It’s shifting from entering the conversation with the intention to convince someone of your point of view, to being present to learn from this other person." She identifies several distinct listening modes—default filters through which we hear information, shaped by our personalities and early relationships. The "problem solver," for instance, hears everything as an issue requiring a solution. The "identifier" constantly relates others' experiences back to their own. Neither mode is inherently wrong, but both can hinder connection when misapplied. "There’s no right or wrong mode," Vengoechea clarifies. "They're all good, but they also have their pitfalls if they're misapplied in conversation." One of the book's most compelling insights is that in every conversation, someone is trying to meet a need—whether for affirmation, advice, connection, or simply to be heard. Recognizing this underlying need transforms superficial exchanges into meaningful interactions. For those naturally curious about some topics but not others, Vengoechea offers practical advice: find your personal entry point. When someone enthusiastically discusses sports—a subject that doesn't naturally engage her—she focuses instead on what the topic reveals about the person: "Why is this person so interested in this team? When did they become so interested in soccer? Who cultivated that passion within them?" Deep listening requires energy, and Vengoechea's research led her to explore how listening professionals—from therapists to podcast hosts—recover from the intense focus their work demands. She discovered the importance of setting boundaries to prevent "vicarious trauma"—the emotional burden that comes from absorbing others' difficult experiences. "It’s important to recognize when this is happening because it’s really draining on you, and you can't be the empathetic listener you're trying to be if you're carrying all this weight," she explains. Her solution centers on mindful separation: "This person is having a really hard time, I can understand that without having it percolate into my experience of the world." As our digital world increasingly fragments attention, Vengoechea's work offers a counterbalance—a roadmap back to genuine human connection through the seemingly simple yet profoundly complex act of listening. Drawing from her experiences crossing cultures, languages, and career paths, she illuminates how truly hearing others enriches not just their lives but our own. For Vengoechea, the seeds of this perspective were planted early, in a childhood book called "Walk Two Moons" that taught her about empathy and the unique experiences of others. "Everyone you meet is living their separate experience and is walking through the world in a different way," she reflects. "The best that we can do is try to understand that and to understand someone else's experience." Her advice to others embarking on their own journeys echoes the blend of courage and preparation that has defined her path: "Don't be afraid to dive in, but do your research." In a world that often prioritizes speaking over listening, broadcasting over receiving, Vengoechea's message is both timely and timeless—a reminder that the deepest connections begin not with being heard, but with truly hearing others. Follow me on Twitter. Check out my website. Editorial StandardsForbes Accolades