Doorstep Scammers: Don’t Get Caught Out (Ch5) Here’s a theory. Since the police gave up investigating burglaries, we’ve all had to become amateur sleuths. That’s why true-crime podcasts and cosy detective novels like Richard Osman’s Thursday Murder Club series are so popular now. They’re not entertainment — they’re how-to manuals. Golf professional Christian from Wakefield went full Sherlock after a thief brazenly walked into his home, sat down on his sofa, then left with a £10,000 Rolex Deepsea wristwatch. Christian had been planning his wedding, he told Alexis Conran on Doorstep Scammers: Don’t Get Caught Out. So he listed the watch for sale online. A man called round and offered to buy it on the spot. Parking himself in Christian’s sitting room, he used his phone to send a bank payment — but became impatient when the cash didn’t materialise in Christian’s account. Pacing around, and going outside to smoke a fistful of cigarettes, the buyer eventually announced he was leaving with the watch. ‘He was getting more and more irritated by the second,’ Christian said. ‘I’ve got somebody in my house that could easily overpower me — he was a lot bigger than I was. Then the abrupt finish: he said, “You need to trust me,” picks up the watch, and walks out.’ The money never arrived, of course. But the thief left evidence behind, in the shape of cigarette ends. Christian bagged them up, took them to police and requested a DNA profile check. Unexpectedly, the coppers obliged . . . and discovered the fake buyer was already on their database. It wasn’t an entirely happy ending. Christian didn’t get his watch back, and the police asset recovery scheme paid out just £600, though his insurance did help cover more of the loss. The crook was prosecuted, pleaded guilty, and got a measly nine-month suspended sentence. Bizarre though it is to realise we can all play Inspector Morse now, the real and depressing lesson of this show is to trust no one. Conran raced through a stack of stories, sometimes so quickly that it was difficult to keep pace with the details. One featured a young couple who secured a London flat by paying a year’s rent in advance — only to discover the man who introduced himself as the landlord was in fact a tenant, who then skipped the country with their £20,000. Still more unpleasant was the torment suffered by dog lovers Linda and Gary in Greater Manchester, whose Yorkshire terrier Lulu scarpered during a walk. When the couple appealed for help on social media, a man phoned to demand £2,000 if they ever wanted to see their pet again. This was callous criminal extortion. The man didn’t have their dog. Luckily, the couple spotted the scam before losing any money. Here’s the best bit. A group of volunteers, the Greater Manchester Lost Dog Search & Rescue Capture Team, put up heat-detecting cameras in nearby woods — and found little Lulu. Who needs Poirot? We’re all detectives now.