Indianapolis Colts offensive lineman Braden Smith is opening up about an obsessive-compulsive disorder that he says kept him out of the final five games of last year’s NFL season and led to him contemplating suicide. In a new interview with The Indianapolis Star, Smith said his struggles with OCD pushed him to spend 48 hours in a treatment facility. “I was physically present, but I was nowhere to be found,” Smith, 29, said, speaking with Star NFL reporter Joel A. Erickson, alongside his wife Courtney Smith. “I did not care about playing football. I didn’t care about hanging out with my family, with my wife, with my newborn son. I was a month away from putting a bullet through my brain.” Smith told the Star that the type of OCD he was diagnosed with was called religious scrupulosity, a condition the International OCD Foundation says involves “religious or moral obsessions.” “Scrupulous individuals are overly concerned that something they thought or did might be a sin or other violation of religious or moral doctrine,” according to the International OCD Foundation. “They may worry about what their thoughts or behavior mean about who they are as a person.” Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE's free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from juicy celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. A 2018 second-round NFL draft pick out of Auburn, Smith told the Star that at times he was compulsively praying and “replacing the good with the bad.” Now, he says, “if I have a bad thought, it's just, like, OK, that's one of many thoughts.”“I'll just move on with my day and don't let it affect me,” he said. “I used to spend like 3 to 5 hours a day in my head, doing compulsions. It was so exhausting." Courtney recommended her husband see a psychologist, and he started with one at the beginning of the 2024-25 NFL season. He later checked into a mental health facility in Colorado but said he struggled to see any improvement with his condition. Later, Smith said he began using ibogaine — a psychedelic plant medicine that’s illegal in the U.S. but has shown possible signs of improving PTSD, anxiety and depression, according to Stanford Medicine. Smith said he later traveled to Mexico to do treatments with the psychedelic substance. Feeling that his mental health has improved, Smith said he’s looking forward to returning to the Colts lineup this upcoming NFL season."I wasn't here last year," Smith said. "I was physically here, but I wasn't. I want to be me again here, and I want the people around me to experience that, because I do feel like I do have something to offer the people around me." If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org.